No better place

At the end of any day, I like nothing better than to have a nice hot shower to wash off the exertion and get horizontal in my own, king-sized bed.

Some while ago, Hubs and I treated ourselves to some cotton bedding - 400 count pure Egyptian cotton linen. The more you wash it, the softer it gets. It is best on the night following its laundering in the day - washed with my favourite laundry conditioner that smells of Spring, tumbled in the drier and smoothed to near-perfection by beautifully unhindered strokes of the steam iron.

Sadly, this is not my real bed but I wish it was

As soon as I hit the sheets - sometimes literally as I like to scare Hubs by leaping into bed from a distance, occasionally taking a short run-up as I do so - I lie face-down and make the back of my feet like windscreen wipers on that cotton, relishing the softness against my feet and stroking my pillows with my hands and cheek. I stop short of purring contentedly.

I know I am probably not going to sleep when I get to heaven but I hope there will be a place to go and chill from time to time; somewhere to lie down on THE most heavenly soft sheets, eyes closed, and swish my feet whilst I enjoy the sound of the worship out there beyond, in the Throne Room. Meanwhile, here on earth, these gorgeous sheets are part of my idea of heaven after a long day.

As my body rests, and shuffles its contours into the bedding until I am blissfully swathed in duvet and sheets, I almost ALWAYS wonder why I didn't come to bed earlier - I hardly ever go before midnight. It is so NICE to be here. I am relaxed. I am at rest. I have nothing to do except to be. 

I lay there the other night and thanked God for this wonderful bed. 

I was reminded how often, when I have left it a while to read from my bible and spend time with God, I get so enthralled by what I read and by what He has to say to me, I end up with similar thoughts to all the above....WHY do I leave it so long when it is such a delicious experience? Why don't the memories of how wonderful it is to be in that place, spur me on to do so more and more? NO-ONE loves to spend time with me more than my heavenly Father does and He always makes it a special time...whether it is just the peaceful joy of hanging out together; the wonder of growing in the knowledge of Him; the challenge of my willingness to walk the next uncertain steps of life with Him - any and every aspect of my relationship with Him - it is all more than worthwhile and never regretted. Seeking Him out and chatting to Him about life is always worthwhile. Always worth repeating. Always worth the sacrifice.

It also helps keep life in perspective. When I know who I am and Whose I am, it doesn't mean life is all hunky dory, but it makes me feel safe because I am in the place that's best for me. Life is throwing up some shaky stuff at the moment - when isn't it? But I needn't wait to have an end-of-the-day- experience with my Father to talk it through with Him. He is there any time. Patient. Always. Expectant. Ready. 

And He doesn't flinch when I take a running jump towards Him!

Crushing Grapes

The other week, for some unmemorable reason, I was trying to recall the identity of an entertainer from the days of my youth who had the catchphrase, 'Ooh - I am SO excited I could crush a grape!' Being me, I couldn't rest until I knew so hit Google. It was a guy called Stu Francis. I used to love watching him as a teen. He was so funny whether it was on one of those satisfying variety shows or on Crackerjack - THE show for all kids to watch at five to five on a Friday. What brought a bigger smile to my face was the song he sang which included all the funny catchphrases he used to use - have a look and prepare to cringe. Hard to believe that was his 'latest single' though if it was re-released nowadays, it might make Christmas Number One. Stranger tracks have done it!

This grape-crushing phrase came back to me this week...I will clarify later.

The Mendip Hills.
Click on the picture to enlarge it if you want to see it better

Life at the moment seems to drift in and out of periods of uncertainty about life, family, future - very like the picture above. Way out in the distance, there may be some expectations or understanding or even hope of what I will find there but at this time, it is shrouded in secrecy because of the cloud. Nearer, in the middle distance, some things are showing their form but still not very clear or precise. In the foreground, the immediate, things are pretty obvious and identifiable but still there are areas hidden and as yet unexposed. In all areas, there are details of things I won't be sure about until I approach them, until I am nearer or even upon them and when the fog lifts, warmed by the rising sun. At any point, there may be 'no entry' signs or no clear access to the way ahead! 

So as examples, my 'way out in the distance' might include where will we be living and what will the Sweeties be doing? Middle distance I am asking what does our faith-walk look like and what will we be involved with in life? Near time is what is happening in my various relationships and how do I use my days in this time of comparative uncertainty and upheaval?

Then last night, as I was awake and up in the early hours as I sometimes am, my mind turned to some of my favourite verses in the Bible, from Psalm 73 -

photo: Cory Poole Photography

 'Yet I am always with You; You hold me by my right hand; You guide me with Your counsel and after, You will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And being with you, there is nothing I desire on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.'

And here was when I thought about crushing the grape! Let me explain.

I had started to fret about uncertainties - isn't it always the way in the dead of night when all is quiet and everyone else is asleep?! I didn't feel very content to trust the 'foggy' areas to God. I always want to know NOW (That is why I read the end of a book first or look up film plots on IMDB!) I didn't even feel particularly close to Him so wasn't convinced about not needing anything else on earth but Him in those moments. 

Then I spied my guitar and picked it up. In the low light of the lamp, I strummed away with a few of the 6 or so chords I know how to play and just sang quietly the things that I knew about who God was and how amazing He is - my shield and defender, my rock, my satisfaction...

This simple act was like the crushing of a grape. 

You don't have to be strong to crush a grape but there is a sense of achievement, albeit a small one, and a certain satisfaction. Those simple small acts can grow. So, say, you start by crushing a grape and maybe move onto popping a plum, bursting a banana and then rip an apple in half with your bare hands! Progression. Satisfaction. Realisation that your experience doesn't stop at grapes. You are more! Inside you, there's more!

Dakota night

So I started worshipping simply and thoughts grew as I sang out. The little things I knew of God, sung out loud to a made up tune, stirred in my head and my spirit. I sang more and gazed long at Him in my imagination. Even the two simplest words, 'You are', sung over and over, penetrated my being and my love grew. He is; He IS; He really is all I need. My trust found its feet again and my burden lifted. I felt wrapped in His peace and deep in His presence. If I didn't need the beauty sleep, I might have gone out into the dark of night to find a puddle! Maybe tomorrow!

The Answer?...

When Hubs and I were away at the Encounter More conference at Causeway Coast Vineyard last week, I flicked over the page of my notebook to continue my frantic scribblings of the inspiring talk, only to be faced with another strange couple of scribbles on my blank page! It seems that, at some point past, one of my offspring (who shall remain nameless to save their blushes) was practising their soon-to-be-married signature in my nice blank-at-the-time book! Awww - how CUTE!

I quickly drew a box round each attempt in order to preserve them for posterity, and continued my own scribbles. I opened the page again this evening to review the notes I had made (Hope you are impressed with that act alone!) and saw the signatures. It made me think about identity. Mine. Ours. Children of God. Each chosen. Each unique and individual

With those practised signatures, my Sweetie was anticipating a change in her identity when she became a wife. Her name would change. Her role would change. Her life would change and she would have someone else, more than her own self to consider, in decisions she would make from that day on. Her relationship with me, her Momma, would shift in its ranking in her life. (Though I still maintain the truth that I have told all my Sweeties, 'You will find someone you love more than me but they will never love you as much as I do.') Another piece of Momma-advice I gave was that every person we meet - however brief that time may be - is an opportunity to change that person's life and we should try to make that change a good one by what we say or how we treat them.  

To get back to the conference, the notes I was looking through were to do with seeing God at work in my home community and two quotes stood out to me at this point by Julian Adams and Tre Sheppard respectively...

(for 'I', read yourself)...

"I am the answer my community is looking for"

"I am the Director of Hope in my city"

These statements may sound outrageous and presumptuous at first. 

Little old me? The Answer? The Director of Hope? 

Yes! Because the truth is, when we have the Holy Spirit in all His fullness living in us, with Jesus' promise that we will do the same as Him and even greater things, we bring something extraordinary with our lives and our presence into all the places we go. We ARE the fragrance of Christ and carry His glory. We change atmospheres because of our relationship with the living, loving, Almighty God. My choices in each interaction breathes hope, healing and life into others. The way I do it will fit the way God has made me - though I may also cross a comfort zone or two along the way.

Tre adds, " Be the God-flavour in areas that have lost their taste for God."

I love that. In choosing to believe that my relationship with Jesus changes me, I change life for others too. I may not FEEL that I carry the fragrance of Jesus, but I DO! He looms large in the small things that I do. He still looms large in the big steps I take 'over my edge'. The glory is always His.

Whilst I still do go into a coffee shop just to have a quiet drink, sometimes I purposefully ask Jesus if there is anyone there that day He wants to speak to through me; sometimes I meander mindlessly along the road or I can talk to Jesus about the street and pray change along it every step of my way; I can pack my groceries in silence or I can strike up a cheery conversation with the checkout server - maybe adding a drink and snack to my shopping to pass to the Big Issue seller outside. I am learning to listen for God to tell me things about folk that only He knows in order to tell it back to them so that they realise there is a loving God that cares intimately about them. I can choose to look sympathetically at a person passing by with an obvious ailment or step out in faith and pray believing prayers for healing with the authority that Jesus passed on. It's all part of the appointment given, the adventure of being the Answer or the Director of Hope in the place where I am at a moment in time - living my life in the different way of living that is called for in  this committed relationship.

If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space

Jim Whittaker

A Stormy Day in Portballintrae

SO! Hubs and I are here in Northern Ireland having an extra week break after a fabulous time at Causeway Coast Vineyard's 'Encounter More' conference. WHAT a challenge and inspiration it was. As well as hearing from Alan Scott and being taken out to minister on the streets of Coleraine with Mark Marx and Jason McNamara, we had talks from Rachel Hughes, Pete Greig, Julian Adams and David Ruis and I attended an utterly inspirational seminar by Tre Sheppard about bringing life to our city.
Now we are settled in a beautiful apartment right by the sea at Portballintrae and I am writing this from the living area balcony view, pictured yesterday in all the day's sunshine and blueness.

Today is a different story! The only thing to distinguish the grey sky from the grey sea - WHEN you can see either through the driving rain - is that the sea is a little darker at the moment! Wind splutters and moans through each crevice it can find here in the apartment. And if rain goblins really existed, then they are spitting raindrops through goblinny peashooters at the windows...tat-tat-tatatat! Hubs is currently pushing some zzzzzzzs on the bed after our hectic few days. Me - I LOVE this weather - when I am inside - or properly dressed for it outside!

When my Sweeties were little, whenever we had a storm, I would send them outside to play in their undies (sorry kids) and to dance in the rain which they absolutely LOVED and I loved seeing the joy of it all, enjoying their delighted squeals. Of course, now that they are older and know about lightning being able to strike and kill in storms, they have exclaimed, 'MOM!!! What were you THINKING?!' but it's a great memory. And I BET they will do it with their own offspring...and if they don't, well, what is THIS Nanna for? *sneaky wink*

Now, looking out through the window, I see the waves roll and lunge, compelled by nature towards the beach,  but being attacked by the driving wind seemingly trying to repel them back to the expanse of sea behind. But the waves are single-minded. They only have one goal - to reach the edge of the beach and they push relentlessly on. The wind is not giving up and whips off swathes of spray from the top of each wave as it bows over, tossing the 

surrendered water behind in a shower that is powerless to do anything but submit and sink back into the oblivion of the Big Briny. No glory. No victory this time. Time to bide.

As I watched this fight unfolding, I was mindful that so often, Nature reflects Life. And why wouldn't it? Both have the creative touch of God Almighty. Life can be a sunshiney blue-skyed beach one day and flip over to a gathering storm or a full blown typhoon on another. Unlike the sea, we have a choice in our circumstances, though our choices may resemble the waves. I can push on through the crazy and fulfil my destiny, called out by my Father God and my heart's desires. When I am knocked off course, I can rejoin the fray with renewed determination and purpose or I can settle for what the world tosses at me, bemoan my circumstances, blaming everything and everybody but myself and give up.

Back to my seat now. As the photo (roughly taken with my phone) shows, the storm didn't last. Unexpectedly, despite the weatherman's prediction of a 36 hour stormy onslaught, the storm passed. In the process, beauty broke out. The photo doesn't properly capture the breath-taking brilliance of the rainbow nor quite, the formation of a second just above but it gives witness to the notforeverness of the storm and reminds me that God is present in all our circumstances, even though we may not see it or perceive it until the storm passes.

Later that afternoon, Hubs and I walked down onto the beach and I sat on a stone watching the waves at close quarters, enjoying their thundering power. Enjoy it with me here (though you may want to switch off the sound as it was still mighty windy) and maybe, in the muted watching of it, 'Be still and know that He is God'

The Fallow Field?

Hosea 10:12 says,

'Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground for it is time to seek the Lord that He may come and rain righteousness upon you.'

The image of fallow ground has been on my mind for a while - on and off for over a year as it happens but as I am considering new fields now, it seems more pertinent again. 

What new fields? Well, this Friday was the last day of my first year at ESSL and as one chapter of life comes to an end, a new chapter begins and with it, a considering of 'fields'.

Before life's upheavals at church just over a year ago, I know I would never have gone to the School otherwise. For me, there would have been no need to (more about that, maybe, another day). Suffice to say for now that life adventuring with God then felt utterly exhilarating. However, the later, sad circumstances left me feeling rather like Wile E. Cyote as he screeches to a halt after chasing the Road Runner off the edge of a canyon, only to find himself coming to a stop in mid air before plunging, flatly and painfully, into the ground below! So, to cut a story short, I ended up at School in Kent, and letting the 'field' back home turn fallow. It seemed what God was leading me to do - though He had to boot me off several areas of that 'field' and prize my fingers off the tools. Hard stuff!

Meanwhile, alongside this gentle, rough stuff, School started! WOW!
Oh there are so many things to say about School, from the truly amazing people I met there to all the things that we did, lessons we learned and experiences we went through. At times, I felt a bit like a rabbit in the headlights. The first weeks - and occasionally thereafter, I felt tearful a lot of the time but didn't really know why. On reflection, I think it was a mix of being scared and feeling out of my comfort zone, being touched by the yearning love of God for me and my wanting more, more MORE of knowing God myself. Other times, I saw myself as a little waif, stood outside a beautiful home, in the snow with my nose pressed up to the glass looking in at the warmth and family ( I have this image from an old childhood story book of Andersen's 'The Little Match Girl') as I sought to understand things I was seeing and hearing but then accepting the invitation in and pushing my feet over the threshhold of belonging. Yet other times were ones of peace-filled excitement of being amongst a big family who lived, longed for and chased after God with me in ways we each understood and accepted. Other times were just breath-taking with being in awe of each other and God, sharing our lessons and adventures of faith. I will admit that, to me, some times were apparently nutcase. I am admitting absolutely nothing about a rubber chicken, roaring lion or floors littered with bodies! However, I will gladly put my hand up as being part of the reason Gravesend was set on fire on Fridays.

Here we are from a pic of our last day...intrepid adventurers all

I am leaving this BIG as you are better able to see us. I look a bit strange in stance as I was crouching a bit :D

Worship times at the beginning of each School day were so special. Some days, I was thrilled to watch the freedom in others worshipping around me; some times I spent simply lying down, eyes shut and letting the intimate presence of God with ME be my sole joy. Occasionally, I whooped out and danced about myself. Even the realisation that I need to get fitter to enjoy that more didn't spoil the moments of free expression and risk. Creative worship and communion times added wonders of discovery, stretching the boundaries of our encounters in meeting with God as our loving Father. I look forward with anticipation to recreating some of those times in various ways - not just for myself but for others also.
I would really need a book rather than a blog post to get through everything I have to say but doubtless, more mentions will be made of School exploits and outcomes over the coming months.

One significant realisation I have come to in all this time is that, when the life we live, believing it is God's 'Plan A' for us, is disturbed or even seems destroyed, God doesn't replace it with 'Plan B'. He writes us a whole new and exciting 'Plan A' and has so much contained within this plan that it is, it seems to me, as if it was always meant to be. In any case, God's Plan A always puts a smile on His face as He anticipates the smile it will eventually put on ours.

As for the new fields and the relevance to the verse from Hosea at the beginning, watch this space...

Use the space!

I was lying in bed last Wednesday night. It's the night before having to set off for school at North Kent Community Church - now renamed Eastgate - so hubs sleeps in another room so that I don't disturb him when I get up at 4.45am and stumble around getting ready to journey off to Gravesend!

As I lay there in the darkness, thinking about life and stuff, I got chatting to God and said to Him, 'Sometimes, I feel You're not with me at all!'
In His still-small-voice-in-my-spirit way, I heard Him reply,

'Do you ever wonder if I feel the same about you?'

He waits

My eyes snapped open. I lay there and thought about the answer. 

Whilst I felt no condemnation in the question, I did feel a sadness - for both of us; my Daddy and me. Sometimes, he misses me. He LONGS to feel me close to Him. I read my bible and some great christian books. I listen to worship. I do all sorts of christian things. But they are not the same, nor as satisfying for either of us as just being with one another and enjoying 'wasting time' together, chilling, chatting, or just silent together.

'You're right,' I whispered, as I spread my arms wide on the bed in a gesture of adoration and embrace...then...whoops! 

On my left, my outstretched arm met with hubs' empty bed space whilst my right arm flopped over the bedside. I realised suddenly, with a smile, that there I was, a whole king-sized bed to myself, and I was lying in my usual position - right on the edge, leaving no support at all for my open arm! I have this massive bed all to myself but still confine myself to the space I am used to! And I have a massive life too with space-a-plenty!

It made me think about Jesus' promise, 

 'I have come that they may have life 

and have it to the full'

It's so easy to get into a pattern of daily life and carry on in the same way, day after day without realising that actually, there is a whole 'empty space' of that life that we just aren't taking advantage of. I can certainly be happy and thankful with all that I have; all that God has given me but He is itching to give me more in every way. All I have to do is seek, ask, knock. not to settle for plain contentment. Enjoy every blessing that I can. As a parent, I don't wrap gifts for my children to sit on the sideboard. I want them opened to be enjoyed; opened to thrill; opened to expand their lives. How much more does my Heavenly Daddy long for me to discover His gifts, gleefully anticipating their effects and enrichments on my life?

There is 'space' to be used and I intend to start rolling over into it...unless it's night-time...and the night isn't Wednesday!

The journey is worth the destination

Some fields are a darned sight more deceiving than others and when you first consider committing to one that looks good, you just never know what the ground will turn up!

I remember several years ago following our home extension, I decided the time had come to sort out the garden. It needed digging over so I could plant vegetables so I started with bulging enthusiasm. Some weeks, three skips of rubble and a hefty stock of paracetamol and radox bathsalts later, I had level ground and soil that no longer ressembled the remains of a Time Team dig!!! The wretched ground looked SO much easier than it turned out to be but it transpired that the builders hadn't put as much rubble in the skips that they should have. They just covered a lot up with soil! I'm sure the back garden was lowered by several feet by the time I had finished clearing. Had I known how much stuff I would turn up, I could have constructed an outbuilding!

So what is my point?

I guess it's just looking at life and the stuff it throws up at you.

There is a saying...

' IF YOU WANT TO MAKE GOD LAUGH, TELL HIM YOUR PLANS!'

And isn't that the way life turns out! I can look back on times of life when all seemed wonderful and the future seemed generally set, with room for a few outside-the-box adventures on the way but generally, all quite secure and manageable, mainly predictable. Then God laughed!

It puts me in mind of a lovely poem...

THE WEAVER 

My life is but a weaving between the Lord and me

I may not choose the colours - He knows what they should be

Oft' times He weaves in sorrow; and I, in foolish pride, 

Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside

Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas and reveal the reason why

The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver's skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned

He knows, He loves, He cares; Nothing this truth can dim.

He gives the very best to those who leave the choice to Him

I know the pictures are of embroidery rather than weaving but it gives a good illustration of the same idea. On the back, the underside - the side of my life that I see whilst God is busy weaving, it can look somewhat untidy as threads cross or are knotted. There is a vague sense that something is being formed and created but, apart from an occasional area that is recognisable as what it is meant to be, it often seems chaotic, messy, tangled and even unnecessary. But then, when it is turned over, to the Creator's side, the embroiderer, the weaver has made something beautiful and complete; precisely placed; intricate in places but perfectly designed. 

In actual large tapestries, only a small portion can be worked on at a time and as each part is completed, the tapestry is wound onto a beam, out of sight so that the weaver can work on the next section. What is already done may not be seen again until the very end, when all is unrolled, revealing a gloriously breath-taking finished piece.

For sure, many parts of life's journey so far are not what I would have chosen for myself. Some are like starting to pick a large stone out of the ground but finding oneself lugging a dirty great boulder out of the way, straining a muscle or two on the path; some bits give a hint of toughness at first but end up feeling like you have unintentionally poked a sewing needle right down behind your fingernail and suffering the ensuing pain of infection and drainings of pus. But there will be punctuations of enjoying the taste of home-grown, lovingly cared-for garden produce or proudly showing off the seemingly effortless beauty of a finished project from your craft space. Such wildly differing textures of life - borne or savoured - ultimately playing their role in making me the person that I am and forming me into the person God sees and delights in, every step of the way. I hope I haven't made the job too difficult for Him on the journey!

Team time

Ahhhhhh - why am I starting this now? 

I am watching my first episode of NCIS in a loooooooong time. I LOVE it. Mark Harmon should smile more often - he looks so GOOD! ...though he is also a very handsome 'smoulderer'!....anyway, less drooling.

I do love watching these programmes...NCIS, CSI series - though not particularly Miami...I get dizzy at the number of times Horatio moves his sunglasses on and off and swings his head so dramatically to the side. It's a wonder he doesn't get nose burn and neck crick!! Hubs once got annoyed and asked why I watched so many of these progs. I said it was to see if I could find a foolproof way of murdering him - not getting caught. He was not amused at the time! But of course, I jest. I would always choose him even over Mark Harmon!

Abby, Tony, Tim, Gibbs, Ziva, Jimmy, Leon and Duckie

I realise the other reason I love these series is because of the interaction and relationships in the 'team' formed by the main characters. 

It is a team with common purpose, each member fully committed. 

Each member is so different They have their own particular strengths and weaknesses that are recognised and supported by other team members. 

They go through times of great triumph, reached by understanding one another, working together with generally good communication and commitment, utilising their skills and accepting or working with one another's shortcomings if necessary.

They have times of distress and failure, disagreement and rebellion but because of their commitment to the team purpose, they are also committed to seeing one another through all kinds of disturbance to the team spirit. They don't accept compromise and hold one another up to high standards of integrity and trust.

Within this working team environment, they solve problems, bring resolution to disaster and save the world...or...hold on...  

...Just shoot the computer because you don't know the process to deactivate the system-linked booby trap!!!!! 

GOOD OL' GIBBS! 
Sometimes the unexpected is the answer. 
(I love that character!)



SO - what's the point? 
Currently, I am thinking through some life stuff and asking God what He holds for me/us in the future.  For some time I have been aware that I have not yet answered the next question - number 4 in the list on my blogpost of 30th December last year  - 

'Which relationships, personal and professional, will you focus on improving?' 

There are some reasons for not answering this fully yet which I will write about another day but I was prompted to start thinking about the question again by seeing this quote today...

...and then by watching NCIS this evening.
I still don't fully know the answer to the question but I know I have some parameters and some ideas forming.

It won't fully depend on where we are based. I have some treasured people in my life who live or will be living outside our city but who will always be important to me, who spur me on, energise and inspire me, and who I love to be around.   

I definitely want to count people in those relationships that have the same heart for life as I do; who want me to adventure along with them - whether in life or faith; who are committed to fullness in relationship, willing to encourage in easy times and who will not shy away from the hard stuff in tough times; laugh and cry with me and who want to change the world not only right where we are but in other ways.

Not only do I want to be following people who are where I want to be but I also want to BE that person that others want to follow.

On a spiritual note, Georgian Banov wrote this inspiring article with the comment that 'Joseph was not affected by the oppressive spiritual atmospheres around him...he was too busy changing them!'

Let's go change!

This is the Life!

WOAAHHhhhhhhhh!

I have just watched a TV programme called The Billion Dollar Hotel 

It was a documentary about the Burj al Arab hotel in Dubai

It is absolutely THE most opulent hotel I have ever seen in my life - have a look here and make sure you enjoy a good browse of all that's available.

If my Kids are reading this and are quick, they could treat me to a Mother's Day Ultimate Afternoon Tea for just over £102!...though I think I would ask for the cappuccino with the sprinkling of gold dust rather than tea. Oh and another £900 if I stay the night - or splash out on a suite on the top floor for £10,000...just the one night though...oh, come on, Kids - I am worth it! You know I am. 

The thing that impressed me most though? 

It wasn't the abundance of gold and luxurious fabrics adorning every room; definitely not the artistic flying header of Rooney's that Hubs has just made me watch on the footie replay (poor man doesn't yet know that ManU lost in this semi final against the hated Arsenal!!); not the multitudinous options of luxury goods available in the hotel boutiques, all thoughtfully sourced by a wonderful concierge; nor the breathtaking aquarium prominently placed and displaying outstanding sea-life. This latter has been lovingly tended these last 13 years by an hefty but gentle expert who looks like he would be more at home in a leotard, circling a wrestling ring.

Nope. None of these. What impressed me most was the people. 

What the site blurb claims is that,

'Whatever 

you need, 

we'll go above 

and beyond 

to ensure 

your time 

with us 

is nothing 

short of 

extraordinary.'

It was true. EVERY member of staff bent over backwards to make the guests' stay the very best experience possible - from Kings and Queens who had endless financial resources to a guy working in Afghanistan who had arranged the trip of a lifetime to propose to his now-fiancee. Guests were served with grace, kindness and honour. Nothing was too much trouble. The best thing about this service was that the staff interviewed, enjoyed this aspect of their job and gave of their best at all times. I thought to myself, 'I want a job there.' The pleasure of giving pleasure and looking after folk is such a great and fulfilling reward. 

(I think that's one of the aspects of nursing I enjoyed so much!)

But meanwhile, I caught myself in this thought. 

I don't have to be in a posh job or be a rich person to make people feel special. Part of my life's calling as a child of God is that I am the light of the world; I am the salt of the earth. I make a difference because I am me. As I say to my kids, 'No-one is in the place that you are, or says the things you do, to the person you speak to, in the way that you do.' In all this, I can seek to 'go above and beyond,' leaving someone's day changed.

No-one else is me. I am unique. What does bring great encouragement, is 'doing life' for God with a bunch of people who are like-minded. I am blessed beyond measure in my blood family and my faith family. Being spurred on, encouraged, comforted and challenged by folk who want to know more of God; to see His power in us, transforming our homes and communities in and through our lives. It's great to hear people around me talking about the healings they are seeing or want to see God do through them. It spurs me on to listen to testimonies of conversations they are having with 'random' folk, bringing them the realisation that God loves and cares for them. Just the other night, Hubs and I stopped to chat to a guy we might usually have passed by in the street but that prompting of the Spirit led us to start up a conversation that released the things of God and opened a door for us to pray with him for a personal situation. Who knows how God will be speaking to him and answering that prayer?

The great thing is that we can be bold out there in the world because it isn't down to us. As Bill Johnson preached this Sunday, 

"When we minister healing, salvation and deliverance to people, 

all we are doing is 'delivering a cheque that Somebody Else wrote' "

I love that. I love the journey. I love the people I journey with and their commitment to pursuing the things of God. I look forward to seeing the Son rise over Birmingham, or wherever I am and I expect it to be nothing short of extraordinary because He is writing the 'cheques'.

This IS the life!

Always get up again!

'Reading week' ...and I have a rest from travelling down to ESSL. 

A couple of days ago, in need of a break, I headed outside from my day of reading into the best sort of day, in my opinion - cloudless, azure-blue sky, glorious sunshine straining to be warm but with a crisp sharpness, daring to bid goodbye to Winter and beckoning a tentative welcome to Spring. I felt joyful to the point - I don't know if you have ever have these moments - of feeling like pretending to be in a musical, dancing along the street before bursting into song, and proclaiming that this is the best day to be alive and - was I not already married - expecting the love of my life to be waiting for me at the end of the road! (As it was, I'd left the love of my life earning a crust in front of his computer back at the house.) BUT meanwhile it was still a glorious day, especially after so many rainy days!

This is actually my local High Street

Buoyed by the afterglow of expectancy following the mission 10 days ago, I asked my spirit to be alert to any conversations or encounters Holy Spirit might want to send my way whilst I was out for my 'quick walk.'

Apart from a couple of friendly exchanges in shops and a chat with a friend, nothing really seemed to present itself. As I headed home, I noticed that the traffic flow had stopped as a man hobbled slowly across the road, his right hand protruding very limply and looking almost purple, from a linen sling. He almost dragged one of his legs behind him as he crossed the road. I suddenly wondered if this was someone God had sent my way to speak to and pray for. Could I pray for him and see his hand and leg restored to full strength? 

Walking on, I kept looking back to check he had reached the other side of the road, half wondering if I had gone too far to return to him and wrestled with my thoughts.....

...One dilemma I have is that Jesus healed those who CAME TO Him. Could I just walk up in the street, offer to help and pray without any sort of invite!?! ...

I stopped to watch what he would do next, seeing him peer into a shop window. I stood and wondered what to do. I stood asking myself questions I would have been better asking myself earlier, in preparation for something like this happening. Can I go up to him and offer to pray? Didn't Jesus wait to be asked? What if...?

In retrospect, I see how our minds, as intelligent as they may normally be, can talk us out of so much from an earthly stance...and by the time I looked up again, getting my nerve up and deciding, 'Have no fear!!!', he had disappeared.

I spent some of the walk home kicking myself and feeling I had let this guy down - and God too; God, because He got no extra glory and the guy because his limbs remained restricted. I played over in my mind the amazing outcome there could have been for that guy had I stepped aside from my fear of 'What if...?' and was reminded of the quote; 

'Stop telling God how big your problems are and tell your problems how big God is.'

So, going to bed that night, still brewing, I picked up one of the books I am currently reading, 'Unwrapping Lazarus', opening it up to where my 'bookmark' rested. I was about to set the bookmark aside but my eyes were drawn to it. It is one of my scripture memory cards. On it was written Psalm 25:3a - 
'Defeat does not come to those that trust in You'

I almost put it down but hovered with it awhile. Then, in 'one of those moments', I turned it over and read another verse... (I use both sides)

'I tell you the truth. Anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do greater things than these because I go to the Father'

John 14:12

I held the card in my hand for a few moments, turned it back and back again; reading and re-reading; suddenly having a sense of angel faces straining in on me over my shoulder and willing me on. 

'Get it? Get it? GET IT YET???'

Yes. I got it and I smiled. (the angels sat back with a big sigh of relief and a bit of backslapping!) I was not defeated. My Father hadn't given up on me. When I am faithless, He remains faithful. My tank of Hope and Expectation was flushed full. I have prayed for the guy in the street and part of my prayer is that he will come by again on Saturday during our time out with the Healing on the Streets team.

Then just today, when asking someone's advice about some things I am questioning, I was encouraged by a verse they shared from John 5 and in particular verse 6.

Jesus is near a pool that is frequented by disabled people. He approaches one man who has been an invalid for 38 years and ASKS him, 'Do you want to get well?'

I must have read that so many times before and not registered what happens! (If I was God, I would be smacking my forehead with my palm at this point, but I know HE wouldn't - and it as well for mankind that I am NOT God!!)

On top of that, I was reminded (same someone) Jesus gave us the GO! His heart to bring the Kingdom of God to the world is BIG. He didn't choose the world's obvious choices of people to pass that message on. His team includes me! The best conversations to have about it are with Him. I'll enjoy that. So will He. But we'll enjoy having others in on the chat too. 

How deep is Your love?

I was on my way to bed.

Then I flicked the wrong button to turn off the TV, ended up changing the channel instead and landed in the film, 'The Invention of Lying' starring Ricky Gervais. I almost turned it straight off because I don't really like the stuff he has made since 'The Office' but my attention was caught by someone telling another person some awfully frank and hurtful 'truth' they thought about them! And I thought, 'How cruel!'

I won't go into the telling the story of the film - you can read it here - but it - and the rest of the film made me think about love and in particular, about God's love for me.

This scripture is a prayer - 

that I will KNOW this love that SURPASSES KNOWLEDGE! 

How can I KNOW something that surpasses knowledge? 

One insight I have is that, on my first day of training to be a midwife, back in 1981, our twelve-strong group had a tour around the labour ward. I watched a midwife monitoring a mother in labour - checking baby heartbeats; altering the drip-rate of the intravenous infusion that was hastening labour for this overdue baby; bleeping machines, tangled wires, overactive equipment, accurate instructions, groaning pain, sweaty anxiety - all seemed scarily overwhelming at the time. I thought I would NEVER, EVER be able to be on my own in a room with a situation like this and see a baby at the end - a live baby and the growing of a family! Day one was almost my last day! BUT, I stayed and of course, over the 18 months, with over 50 deliveries to my name, I qualified. I learned - slowly at times but surely and with help. I didn't do it on my own. I had instruction from those with knowledge; guidance from those with experience and sometimes, even their very hands literally on top of my own, guiding me in what I needed to do. The book and brain knowledge of practising midwifery that seemed impossible to contemplate in black and white, all fell into place when experiencing it in actual, live technicolour! 

'Ahh!' I realised. 'THAT's how it feels to...'well, you probably don't want to know but 'hands-on' makes the experience complete and suddenly, the jigsaw builds, the picture gets bigger and clearer as pieces fall into place. 

What seemed, at one time, to surpass MY knowledge - ever becoming a competent midwife - came within my grasp. As my understanding and experience increased - study and practical work - my knowledge increased - I knew better what to do, what to expect and who to ask if I didn't know.
Whilst I don't expect my knowledge of the love of Christ to be anywhere near complete this side of heaven, God opens paths and doors throughout the whole of my life to show more of that love to me.

One of the things I have been learning at ESSL is to appreciate and believe how much I am loved by my heavenly Father. He EXPECTS me to grow in the knowledge of His love for me. He WANTS me to. He goes out of His way to show it to me. What I have to do is to expect, want and receive everything He gives out - and then ask for more...which gives Him a chuckle, I am sure! I am His beloved. I am His joy and delight. He approves of me and accepts everything about me, just as I am. He will never love me more - or less - than at this very moment. He is deep, deep, deep in love with me. One reason His love surpasses knowledge is that, every time I think I know how much He loves me, He shows me more - through a new revelation in His word; through a beautiful sunset or a wonderful smell or taste; through music; through the company of friends and family or even through unexpected kindness of strangers (one reason each of us should try to give a stranger a hug every day!!)
This is the key to then go out into daily life and take that love with me - letting it make a difference in every situation I find myself in. My Father would find joy in seeing me go out of my way, out of my comfort zone and out of my inclination sometimes, if I am honest, to love others. But the thing He wants most, is that I know Him and His love for me because

everything else flows from that.

I will round up with an amazing story of a special touch of God from our mission trip that I talked about in my last post. 

Mike, from the church, myself and another guy who I didn't know and who was going through a hard time, went out on a treasure hunt one day (see my previous post if you don't know what one of those is) We had found no clues and got cold so decided to go to a coffee shop for a hot drink. As we chatted, it turned out that this guy's name was 'Jim'. Both Mike and I had this name on our lists!!! So I said, 'Jim' - it looks like YOU are our treasure!' As we chatted, it turned out that 'Jim' wasn't actually a christian but was indeed on a journey to wanting to know God. So we talked together for a while, with Mike and I sharing a couple of our own experiences of God and telling 'Jim' how special he was to God. He replied that he didn't feel like he was, nor did he feel he was at a point where he wanted to give his life to Jesus. He did, though, let Mike and I pray for him and we ended asking God to give 'Jim', that very day, a special blessing that would show him that God loved him. 

We finished up our drinks and headed back out into the street. 'Jim' popped over to the cashpoint as Mike and I waited some yards back. 

As 'Jim' was returning, he was stopped in his tracks by a stranger who we heard ask 'Jim', "Are you a 'Smiley'?" Mike and I looked at one another and wondered what this was. I confess to wondering if it was trouble? 

Well, it turned out, 'Jim's' surname was 'Smiley' and this guy was a cousin of 'Jim's', that he had never met - nor knew existed - who recognised 'Jim' as possibly one of the family simply from his facial features!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The guys chatted a while and exchanged phone numbers and the cousin went off on his way! 'Jim' came across to us shaking his head in disbelief and muttering the same! 'JIM!', we said, doesn't that just show you how amazing God is? What are the odds of that happening at this very moment and in this very place?? How mind-boggling is our God?! Mind-boggling enough to love us out of our minds, is how! 

So be encouraged. Be on the lookout. God is out to love you

....and who knows who He will use to do it! 

As this song says, 

HE LOVES US

Mission: LOVE

I have been back from our mission trip to a church in a town down south for 24 hours now and have spent a very lazy day - apart from getting some shopping in. Hubs indulged in Supernoodles and sausage, I think, whilst I was away with a bowl of cereal thrown in last evening - this latter is our usual fallback.

SO! As promised, a bit of a report as to how it all went.

I think everything that took place over the time could be summed up in the picture here to the left - a shower of love all over the town!

Our 10-strong team stayed for four days, each lodging in one of the church family's homes, which would have been worth going for alone, such was the each-way blessing of my own stay with one of my team in the home of a wonderful family.

Our mission time was spent:-

- Opening and being present in the new church cafe

- Treasure Hunting on the local streets

- Free hugging outside the church

- Just asking God to open up any sort of conversation around where we were 

- Giving prophetic words to members of the church, leaving encouragement and expectation in hearts and spirits

- Other random bits and bobs

Each one of these encounters brought tangible changes to the atmosphere in this town - a town others warned me was dead but I found it a great place to be and a really open community to having the  love of God poured out over them - even if they didn't quite know that that is what it was. Our team, together with members of the church congregation, were Love Guerillas in that place

Overall, we saw 3 or 4 people come into a living, saving relationship with God either in the streets or in the cafe - two of those came into church for the Sunday service; numerous people had a touch from God in their lives that was either obviously significant or just one of the steps on a journey towards knowing God's love for them

My own personal favourite meeting was with two elderly ladies as we set out on a Treasure Hunt (I will give an explanation of this at the end of the post in case any reader is interested) One of my clues, 'red shopping trolley', prompted me to run over the road to these lovely ladies - Jean, and Joan who was pulling the trolley. To cut a long story short, we had a lovely conversation, a couple of hugs each from myself and my hunting buddy and prayed God's blessing on them. To our delight, we bumped into them a little later as they had found their way to the cafe we had alerted them to, and spent another lovely half hour or so, hearing more of their stories and savouring with them a whole bunch of extra hugs. It was such a joyful encounter - for us as much as them.

Another Treasure Hunt with my buddies got us into a conversation with a mum, who was out with her daughter and two grandchildren. She had no money for food as her benefits had been unexpectedly stopped and she had had no luck finding a job in 174 applications. We prayed for her and suggested they go down to the church Cafe in this freezing weather for a cuppa and a cake (free until the shop gained some legally required certification). Later, not only did we see them still there but the mum had been given some supplies, allowed the pastor to pray for the little girl's eyes and a short while later, this mum prayed to ask Jesus into her life! WOW!

The church Cafe is an amazing opportunity - right outside the bus stops and a short walk to the main shopping street. Inside, not only will people get food and drink refreshment, but also refreshment of spirit and emotions. It will be staffed by church members whose heart is to love people in kindness and service - not just by serving but just talking, listening and encouraging folk who drop in.

The 'Free Hugs' times were WONDERFUL - just standing on the steps of the church with our signs, giving free hugs to all and any who passed and would brave us :D Here is a YouTube clip compiled by Ben Alldis from the church. Though it was a COLD day, we had the best time - the BEST! and you could just feeeeel the place change atmosphere...Keep it up ACF hahaha! As for me - I may just shove a 'Free Hug' sign in my bag and do it anyway - anywhere!!

SOOOoooooooo many conversations. SO many opportunities to show God's love in different ways! 

If I may, I will end with a wee story of an encounter I had, pinching the idea from Bill Johnson who told a similar story about his wife, Beni.

I had popped into the art shop just up the road from the church. I had a beautiful, green velvet handbag, very similar to this picture, that I had rescued. One of my daughters was 'throwing it out'! (I KNOW! I KNOW! What sacrilege!!) ...well, giving it away to a local charity shop. She wouldn't let me have it because I have enough bags!!  BUT I snook it out and have been using it. As I rooted through my bag looking for my specs, the assistant exclaimed, 'Oh! What a lovely bag!' and I thanked her and told her how I came by it. She was equally incredulous as I was! I wandered around the shop and into my mind came the Beni story (patience, readers!) I bought a couple of things and asked where the original lady was and found out her name. Then, before I went off to find her, I took out a carrier bag and emptied the contents of my beautiful green velvet bag into it. Finding my lady, I approached her and said, 'Excuse me. I would really love to give you this.' and offered her the bag. She protested that she couldn't possibly take it. I replied with a big smile that I would really love to bless her with it. 'God loves to bless us with surprises and I would really love you to have it - then when you use it, remember that God loves you and thinks you are wonderful.' She took it very gratefully and let me give her a big hug.

As I went off, smiling broadly and joy-filled to myself, I was amazed that I didn't have even the slightest flicker of regret over the bag. I don't miss it but know someone else loves it and hopefully through it, will be reminded of Someone who loves HER.

I did suggest to Hubs, when telling him the story, that I could go out and buy more beautiful bags that I could eventually give away. Strangely, that suggestion was not met with any enthusiasm at all!!

FINALLY...Ok Treasure Hunting....we go out in twos or threes. To start with, we have 5 categories: - Names; - Location; - Appearance; - Needs; - Other. We ask God to give us 'clues' in each category and personally, I put down whatever comes into my head, trusting that my spirit is always open to God. So I will put down a couple of male and female names, location can be an actual place/shop in the area we are in or a landmark eg clock - anything relating to location. Appearance - again anything..hair, clothes, accessories etc; Needs could be physical, financial, practical...eg new job, healing, family troubles, loneliness - just ANYTHING; and other might be anything that doesn't fit into the other categories...eg rainbow, dog, shopping trolley....then we go out and look for clues. I usually head for one of my locations and look for someone with something from my 'appearance' list then go to them, explain we are on a treasure hunt and have asked God for clues..they meet one of the clues and maybe show them the list to see if they fit anything else (though I did once go around occasionally shouting ' Joyce!' to see if anyone would turn   ) Whether they do or not, we tell them that they are God's treasure and He wants to bless them. We ask if there is anything we can pray for and if not, I say well, thanks for stopping but do know that you are a treasure to God and He loves you. 

Most people will stop; some run away as you are talking and say not interested; others are really touched and may even have a conversation but in any case, they go with that mention of God's love over them and we can then leave it to the Holy Spirit to carry on in whatever ways He wants to. Whilst 'no hits' can seem discouraging, we never know what God may have started in their journey and sometimes it is AMAZING how God leads.