The Fallow Field?

Hosea 10:12 says,

'Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground for it is time to seek the Lord that He may come and rain righteousness upon you.'

The image of fallow ground has been on my mind for a while - on and off for over a year as it happens but as I am considering new fields now, it seems more pertinent again. 

What new fields? Well, this Friday was the last day of my first year at ESSL and as one chapter of life comes to an end, a new chapter begins and with it, a considering of 'fields'.

Before life's upheavals at church just over a year ago, I know I would never have gone to the School otherwise. For me, there would have been no need to (more about that, maybe, another day). Suffice to say for now that life adventuring with God then felt utterly exhilarating. However, the later, sad circumstances left me feeling rather like Wile E. Cyote as he screeches to a halt after chasing the Road Runner off the edge of a canyon, only to find himself coming to a stop in mid air before plunging, flatly and painfully, into the ground below! So, to cut a story short, I ended up at School in Kent, and letting the 'field' back home turn fallow. It seemed what God was leading me to do - though He had to boot me off several areas of that 'field' and prize my fingers off the tools. Hard stuff!

Meanwhile, alongside this gentle, rough stuff, School started! WOW!
Oh there are so many things to say about School, from the truly amazing people I met there to all the things that we did, lessons we learned and experiences we went through. At times, I felt a bit like a rabbit in the headlights. The first weeks - and occasionally thereafter, I felt tearful a lot of the time but didn't really know why. On reflection, I think it was a mix of being scared and feeling out of my comfort zone, being touched by the yearning love of God for me and my wanting more, more MORE of knowing God myself. Other times, I saw myself as a little waif, stood outside a beautiful home, in the snow with my nose pressed up to the glass looking in at the warmth and family ( I have this image from an old childhood story book of Andersen's 'The Little Match Girl') as I sought to understand things I was seeing and hearing but then accepting the invitation in and pushing my feet over the threshhold of belonging. Yet other times were ones of peace-filled excitement of being amongst a big family who lived, longed for and chased after God with me in ways we each understood and accepted. Other times were just breath-taking with being in awe of each other and God, sharing our lessons and adventures of faith. I will admit that, to me, some times were apparently nutcase. I am admitting absolutely nothing about a rubber chicken, roaring lion or floors littered with bodies! However, I will gladly put my hand up as being part of the reason Gravesend was set on fire on Fridays.

Here we are from a pic of our last day...intrepid adventurers all

I am leaving this BIG as you are better able to see us. I look a bit strange in stance as I was crouching a bit :D

Worship times at the beginning of each School day were so special. Some days, I was thrilled to watch the freedom in others worshipping around me; some times I spent simply lying down, eyes shut and letting the intimate presence of God with ME be my sole joy. Occasionally, I whooped out and danced about myself. Even the realisation that I need to get fitter to enjoy that more didn't spoil the moments of free expression and risk. Creative worship and communion times added wonders of discovery, stretching the boundaries of our encounters in meeting with God as our loving Father. I look forward with anticipation to recreating some of those times in various ways - not just for myself but for others also.
I would really need a book rather than a blog post to get through everything I have to say but doubtless, more mentions will be made of School exploits and outcomes over the coming months.

One significant realisation I have come to in all this time is that, when the life we live, believing it is God's 'Plan A' for us, is disturbed or even seems destroyed, God doesn't replace it with 'Plan B'. He writes us a whole new and exciting 'Plan A' and has so much contained within this plan that it is, it seems to me, as if it was always meant to be. In any case, God's Plan A always puts a smile on His face as He anticipates the smile it will eventually put on ours.

As for the new fields and the relevance to the verse from Hosea at the beginning, watch this space...

Use the space!

I was lying in bed last Wednesday night. It's the night before having to set off for school at North Kent Community Church - now renamed Eastgate - so hubs sleeps in another room so that I don't disturb him when I get up at 4.45am and stumble around getting ready to journey off to Gravesend!

As I lay there in the darkness, thinking about life and stuff, I got chatting to God and said to Him, 'Sometimes, I feel You're not with me at all!'
In His still-small-voice-in-my-spirit way, I heard Him reply,

'Do you ever wonder if I feel the same about you?'

He waits

My eyes snapped open. I lay there and thought about the answer. 

Whilst I felt no condemnation in the question, I did feel a sadness - for both of us; my Daddy and me. Sometimes, he misses me. He LONGS to feel me close to Him. I read my bible and some great christian books. I listen to worship. I do all sorts of christian things. But they are not the same, nor as satisfying for either of us as just being with one another and enjoying 'wasting time' together, chilling, chatting, or just silent together.

'You're right,' I whispered, as I spread my arms wide on the bed in a gesture of adoration and embrace...then...whoops! 

On my left, my outstretched arm met with hubs' empty bed space whilst my right arm flopped over the bedside. I realised suddenly, with a smile, that there I was, a whole king-sized bed to myself, and I was lying in my usual position - right on the edge, leaving no support at all for my open arm! I have this massive bed all to myself but still confine myself to the space I am used to! And I have a massive life too with space-a-plenty!

It made me think about Jesus' promise, 

 'I have come that they may have life 

and have it to the full'

It's so easy to get into a pattern of daily life and carry on in the same way, day after day without realising that actually, there is a whole 'empty space' of that life that we just aren't taking advantage of. I can certainly be happy and thankful with all that I have; all that God has given me but He is itching to give me more in every way. All I have to do is seek, ask, knock. not to settle for plain contentment. Enjoy every blessing that I can. As a parent, I don't wrap gifts for my children to sit on the sideboard. I want them opened to be enjoyed; opened to thrill; opened to expand their lives. How much more does my Heavenly Daddy long for me to discover His gifts, gleefully anticipating their effects and enrichments on my life?

There is 'space' to be used and I intend to start rolling over into it...unless it's night-time...and the night isn't Wednesday!