sometimes i sits and thinks and sometimes i just sits

 

A busy few days have passed.

Today was a LOOOONG shift at work (I work at a nursing home for 59 residents; 29 of them on my floor) - 7.30am until 8.45pm

I rarely work those as it tires me out and makes me ol' joints ache. HOWEVER, today it seemed special for several reasons.

It was a steadily busy shift almost all day with a couple of frantic episodes. At one time, whilst giving out the evening meds amidst the mealtime, some of the residents were being very demanding; two or three because of some degree of dementia; others because they just are!

At one point, I found myself becoming impatient and annoyed at what, in a younger, clear-minded person, would be downright rude, selfish and unreasonable behaviour and I heard myself snapping sharply at one lady - who IS rude but that's no excuse.

 

In my deepest, darkest and hidden world, I would shout something abusive at her and give her a slap.

I am shocked as I write that because it is a terrible thought but in that deep, dark world of mine, I would think she deserved it and I had a right to behave in that way.

I reflect that the world there doesn't work itself out because, 30 years ago, God burst into that darkness and lit it up with His love and grace; with His power and strength and that through His presence living in me, I am a new creation - I am changed and in Him. I can behave in ways He leads me. It amazes me!

 

Anyway - back to the medicine trolley...I feel the irritation rising. What to do?

I decide to duck behind the trolley and pray an arrow (brief help yelp) prayer for patience. I emerge and start singing (fairly quietly) Great Is Thy Faithfulness.

R, a young male carer who is equally as exasperated, calls over to ask whether I am singing to calm myself down.

'Yes'

It works and I carry on singing various other songs, including an old fave, 'As Time Goes By'

I think to myself, What A Wonderful World.....no, no  - that's another song title.

I think to myself that taking that very short time out to pray then think ahead about how I will deal with things, reaps benefits - both ways.

 

Over the rest of the evening (and it was a LONG evening) I have lots of opportunities to behave and speak towards folk in a way that makes them feel better and listened to. I hear one lady across the room, commenting to another what a nice lady I am as I persuade a confused gentleman to put his jumper and shoes back on. I chat to another gentleman's daughter on the phone about a small problem and leave her feeling confident and reassured about its resolution; I encourage one of the staff how I can trust her with whatever I ask her to do; I give R a cheery hug and make throwing actions at him, saying, 'Peace, Peace, Peace'!  I make another old gent 3 cups of tea in quick succession, with a sandwich because he has forgotten that he DID eat an evening meal and tell him for the umpteenth time that it is Friday and no, no-one is coming to take him out - all with a smile and acting as if each time is the first time.

I feel better. They feel better. The world feels better. And it feels like Father God is blowing me a kiss and blessings'

 

 

This is a picture of me aged 4

I am putting it here because I love it.

 



I wonder what I was thinking in that little head. I know I thought a lot as a child and I had fun in so many ways

 

Now as I work so much with old people who have lived their lives full and now reach that point of such physical restriction, with aged minds and bodies, lost or fading memories, and often poor control of basic bodily functions, I look at them and want to be always aware that they were once vitally alive; young and in love, beautiful inside and out, gifted, treasured and with a full complement of functioning brain cells. I want to be aware of all that so that I can remember that the outside has changed but they still deserve the best that life can give - and that God can give some of that best through me. I can be His hands, His mouth, His love to them and make their day special because I was in it.

 

 

One day, I will be that old person.

I hope someone who knows God will know me too.

And treats me like the Princess I am.

 

Whilst sometimes, it does do to just sits,

it does much better to sits and thinks - and take action.

 

Definitely buying that field

 

 

Baby steps

How is it I can jump and dance around the kitchen and pirouette around the corridors at work but put me in the church and unless I am alone, all I can manage is a vague wee jump?

Last evening's worship was fabulous. Joyous. If I had wings that worked, I think I would have taken off.

I had even cleared an extra row of chairs at the back in anticipation that I would dance out the joy I had been feeling this week.

I saw M and asked her if she was up for a dance but she had to go home, exhausted by the exertions of her week. But I was spurred to jump on a chair (she is WAY taller than me) and pray an open heaven over her for her way home.

I am all for encouraging others to step out in acts of faith and I step some myself on occasions but this dancing thang - I just freeze!  Yet God is  TOTALLY worthy of my making a 'fool' of myself.

That said, after the service, I caught sight of G at the front of the church and just got seized with an impulse, dashed over, grabbed both her hands and said, 'G., will you have a swing round with me?' and before she could say No swung her round in two circles, laughing. (She said afterwards she didn't mind)

It was fun.

Hmmmmm...as I write, I remember we should be like little children before the Lord. Maybe I could grab one of them sometime - partly as an excuse but also to be as God's hand in mine and to encourage others. 

Thank you, Father, that 'my' desire is on Your heart too and You will bring about Your purposes.

Make Your purpose my worshipping abandonment.

Let Your heart and purpose for me dwell in my thoughts, dreams and conversations in these days ahead.

What if...

I came across these in my bible today and find them as inspiring as ever. I must put them up where I can see them clearly!

What would you be doing with your life today if you had more courage yesterday?

Where could you be tomorrow if you decided to take a reasonable risk today?

This last part of my life, I will err on the side of boldness. And if I overstep, I can at least rest assured that I didn't squander whatever gifts I have because I was afraid to venture into the unknown

and

When an extraordinary woman meets an extraordinary God, life takes on a whole new meaning.
Knowing God changes everything.
We cannot encounter the Living God and be the same.

A personal relationship with Him produces a holy discontent with the status quo and compels us to live in such a way that miracles are a daily occurrence.

People are desperately looking for ordinary women like me and you whose lives have been changed by an extraordinary God - the One who is calling us to be 'God with skin on' to those who don't even believe He exists.

I want my normal life to be abnormally extraordinary because God is alive and well and at work in and around me

Punting

Sometimes, it's worth taking a punt at something.


No - I don't mean the boating sort. I mean taking a gamble.


'To take a punt at' -  to have an attempt or try at something


We had one of the students, D, over tonight - or rather, Hub did for a practice guitar sesh. I just walked in on their playing later after arriving home from work. I enjoyed the time I spent with the lads, nattering, messing about with guitars and getting to know D better, deepening that relationship and giving time to invest in his life. It seemed he had a good time here and after he headed off home, I reflected....


When Hub and I agreed to help out with the student group at church, I started somewhat reluctantly as 'students weren't really my thing' and really, as more of a favour to Hub cos he wanted to be involved with the group. I couldn't have guessed or even imagined how much it would enrich life and take me to such amazing new places with God alongside them. They are a great bunch of young people, as I said yesterday and our student pastor, A, is a mad, amazing and inspirational woman, whose very pores pour out the joy and the expectation of God and His Spirit at work.

BUT ...what if I had said, 'No' to the opportunity.
What if I closed the door on that option because it 'wasn't my thing' or because I didn't feel adequate - which I didn't.
My thinking had been that I could do it for the year and then duck out.
But now I feel like God honoured my reluctant step, my punt, and I hit a jackpot! I don't plan on leaving yet!
It felt like a trip down the rapids at times but SO worth it

Hub and I have the opportunity with them to share with A in these young lives in ways that not only build us up on both sides of the relationships but provide the opportunity to have a part in the future...in their lives and in lives of others they will come into contact with...and on down the generations. Equally, of course, their touch on OUR lives is an enrichment we wouldn't otherwise have experienced.
Our spiritual muscles get exercised and strengthened. Our expectations grow. God gives us more. We can't lose.

Mark Twain said,
'Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover'

With the apostle Paul, I declare,

I want to learn to trust that when 'opportunities' come my way, my instinct to dismiss them isn't always the way to go

New Life abundantly

Tonight, Hub and I met with the student group we are helping to lead.
What in inspiration they are in so many ways.

We always start off with a lovely meal cooked by our church housekeeper - usually a one pot dinner with bread or equivalent. Tonight we enjoyed veg curry and naan - yum.

After eating, I usually wash up and clear the kitchen whilst the gang clear away all the debris of the tables etc, so we can lounge about in the meeting and get off sharp at the end of the evening.
Tonight, I had help from another of the lead team - a young lad who finished his degree last year and is now working as an NQT in a fairly local primary school. We had a lovely chat. I do always believe that there is always great fellowship to be had over the kitchen sink and this was no exception. Bless him, he said he liked chatting to me - I reminded him of his mom. I took it as a compliment and he confirmed I should :)

Afterwards, Kat led us in a creative worship time involving playdough and a teaspoon.
The teaspoon was actually the abbreviation - tsp - Thanks - Sorry - Please.
We were to take each in turn, modelling a prayer with the dough and to share back to the group- if we were comfortable - what it signified.

As things went along, I was struck by how God had spoken in each area to every heart, even those who would say that they 'didn't do creativity'
The things the students, these young people shared, brought tears to my eyes. Overall, their desire to follow God, to give Him their best, to make Him their priority because He deserved it and because it would make for what would be best for their lives, was inspiring and full of hope and expectation.

The field to consider out of this is that putting God first can never be a wrong decision.
He desires it.
He deserves it.
He will never let us lose out.

His life brings us new life; a life we can not predict and a life which, given wholly over to Him, will never disappoint. It's risky to put God first. It's scary but when we do it, it's exhilarating and fulfilling.
It's the life in all its abundance that Jesus spoke about in John 10:10

It's an exciting journey we set out on when the student group started.
We have all grown so much.
Definitely a field well considered, wholeheartedly bought and one that will keep producing in the abundant nature of God.

Blessed to be a blessing

Oh my - what a few days. I can't believe I haven't written for so long

Today has been about encouragement.
First - I was on an early shift today. Hub very kindly volunteered to go out to sweep the car of snow at 7am only to find the battery of the car AND our old van was dead and suggested I ring a taxi.
However, he managed to jump start the car and off I drove - what a hero. Not a moan from his lips ...just his servant heart.

At work, I felt I should take the difficult step (for me) of speaking to a member of staff about the way she had been speaking to a couple of the residents...but how!? I hate confrontation and I didn't want to either upset her or put me on the road to disliking me if I could help it.
Well - I considered THIS field and asked God for wisdom as I headed down the corridor to talk to her whilst she was on break. As I approached the door, I had a sudden thought (HA!! Those sudden thoughts) I put my head out the door (she was having a smoke with another gal) and asked if I could borrow her for a mo. She replied that she WAS on break but I assured her I wasn't wanting her to do anything. As she came in, I asked her if she was OK. She had a bit of a headache and a blocked nose. Why?
I said, gently, I wanted to make sure she was OK because I had noticed that she was a bit sharp with a couple of the residents and I wondered if anything had happened. She immediately apologised for the way she had been  - which I thought was brilliant of her to have recognised that - and that it was mainly physical things plus the whole workload that had got to her. I asked if I could give her a hug and gave her a BIG one which I was SO grateful to do and said to enjoy the rest of her break.
As I headed off, I was SO thankful not to have gone in any differently. I feel like our (rare) relationship was put on a different level and that God's inspiration - for that is surely what it was - has enabled me to be a blessing instead of a curse.
As I left work that day and got into the car, the battery was flat again!!!! I phoned Hub for advice and yet again, without a moan or complaint, he set out to rescue me. As I waited, I read a wonderful email on my phone sent to Hub and I from a church member - a wonderful soul - to say thanks for being such a blessing to folk at the church etc. It totally touched my heart and as I write, I thank God that people are such a blessing to me from Him.

I am a very very blessed woman and today's field considered, led me to buy into new levels of relationships with people in a way I totally didn't expect.
Thank you lovely Father :)

Praying, singing and dancing

Ooh - this morning, I went up to our church as it's our week of prayer, to spend some time praying.

I took Hubby's guitar up with me. We had had an evening of worship last night and I was inspired ro restart spending musical time in prayer.

When I got into the sanctuary, it was empty. I had the place all to myself and God :o)))

I prayed, read the bible and sang with the guitar. I was a bit nervous and spooked at times by the various creaks and noises around. One song I started singing, (Show Your Power) was quite high and I felt timid about singing it but then thought how I was there to pray and praise God not worry about man so I let rip and SO enjoyed it. If God didn't hear it, He musta had earplugs in. I even felt He would answer the prayer :D

To be honest, I don't know what I would have done if someone HAD come in but I am grateful for such opportunities as today's to give things a go and grow in confidence a little.

I have told our facilities supervisor, Chris, that if I am ever singing or dancing in the sanctuary when he comes in, just to pass through as if he hasn't seen me!

I do long to be free enough and secure enough to praise God in any way in anybody's presence. It's a learning process and God has used our being at St John's with Nigel and Annie at the helm, together with a few others, to help me cross boundaries I never thought I would. I have expectation that I will dance with David yet ( 2 Samuel 6:14 ) I also hope and pray that many in our church will seek and find that freedom too - I don't want to be on my own - and I shan't be wearing just a linen ephod 

I do find it amazing and exciting to think of the over-the-boundary steps I have taken this last couple of years. I do have to resist comparing my small efforts to the astounding acts of faith of other Christians I know or                    have heard of otherwise I might feel defeated rather than encouraged.

My aim is always to be growing; taking risks; to be moving forward and deepening my relationship with God and commitment to Him.

Hmmm - maybe I shouldn't say 'never' to the ephod

The blog begins

Why, 'Considering my Field'?

A couple of years ago, I came across a saying
(those who know me know I LOVE sayings)

'Let the rest of your life be the best of your life'

It really appealed to me.
At just over 50 years old, I couldn't see how the rest of my life could be better than what had gone but I wanted it to be. I felt I was stagnating as a Christian and asked God to help me out of my spiritual rut.
And He has!
I feel alive again and excited to walk with God each day so I thought I would write things down - mainly to read back and encourage myself to see what God is doing but also to encourage others that anything is possible with God

Proverbs 31:16 says,

'She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard'

Each day opens new before me - a new 'field' to consider, to anticipate, to ask God about and to plan.
Buying a field implies a confidence and committment - I want to be committed to my day; to 'buy' it  - to ask God to do something with me and in me.
Out of what I gain - earn - out of my days of adventuring with God, I want to invest in His kingdom and be used to plant His presence wherever I am.
This blog will be a mixture of recording that and remembering how He has brought me thus far and where God takes me to each day!
With a bit of anything else thrown in :D